Recently, God has been teaching me a very important lesson. Actually, He’s been teaching it to me over and over again. Based on the title of this post, you probably can guess what it is. Yep. God’s goodness. But specifically, trusting in His goodness.
You see, recently God has been showing His love for me by giving me precious, beautiful gifts as my life moves forward. Except there is one problem: I was afraid of those gifts. What? Well, let me explain…
It wasn’t that I didn’t want God’s gifts in my life. It was that I wasn’t sure if I could trust them. I was afraid that they might turn back to bite. I didn’t want them to be one of those ‘gifts in disguise’.
I’m very familiar with ‘gifts in disguise’. I have Lyme disease, toxic black mold poisoning, and MCS. In the two-plus years of these physical struggles, I have learned to view them as a gift. Through them in my life, God has done amazing things. He has grown me personally—in my maturity, strength, and faith—and He has allowed my sickness to touch so many people around me. I’ve come to see that He has allowed me to have this sickness because He loves me. (But that’s a whole other topic.)
I praised (and still praise) Him for what He has done in my life through it! …But then that caused problems I hadn’t anticipated. Now, as God has begun to give me other gifts and opportunities in my life, I find myself struggling to accept them. I’m on guard. Even though most would see those gifts as obvious gifts (not ‘gifts in disguise’), I struggle.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want them. I knew that God knew best. I knew that His plans are perfect. But it was a mental ‘knowing’, not a heart ‘knowing’. My heart was afraid of more trials. It didn’t want to be hurt again, even if it was worth it in the long run.
But here’s where I was going wrong: I wasn’t having faith in God’s goodness. I wasn’t trusting in His perfect love and perfect plan. Over the past few weeks and months, God has been teaching me His goodness. Though my heart is broken for all of the sufferings in the world, He continually shows me His incomparable love. His perfect goodness.
Even in the midst of suffering and trials.
Maybe you are struggling to trust God and to have faith in His goodness. Maybe, like me, you are afraid of a ‘gift in disguise’. However much you appreciate and praise Him for your previous gift in disguise you are afraid of another one. I’m sorry. I don’t know what you’re going through, but I know it’s hard. But do not lose hope. Continue to trust in your loving and perfectly good Father. Matthew 7:11 (NIV) says:
If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!
Though it may be difficult to see right now, God hasn’t left you alone. He who carried you in the past will continue to do so now. He won’t abandon His children. Though maybe there are more storms in your future or in mine, we don’t have to fear them. (See Proverbs 3:25-26.) I challenge you: write down all of the ways you see Him working in your life already! You may be surprised.
God loves each of us more than anyone ever will, more than we could ever comprehend. We can trust Him, His love, and His perfect goodness. The question isn’t if He is trustworthy. The question is if we will trust Him.
Your sister in Christ,